Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Black Friday, Nevermore...

I ventured out on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. I am not one of the nuts who get up at 4:00 am and run to Macy’s to buy wrapping paper at 5:30 am. No, I was just out in my car cruising around. No special agenda. Being an artsy person, I frequently frequent Michael’s and Joann’s. My cruise had me pass and then drop into Michael’s. It was somewhat crowded. I strolled around and picked up a few items. I got in a line and things seemed to be moving along pretty steadily. I had my iPod and was coping quite well. When the fellow ahead of me got to the register, he laid his 12 skeins of yarn on the counter and the young female clerk scanned the skeins and got the grand total. Like I said, things were moving along so well. But ooops, the newbie clerk forgot to scan the 40% off coupon. In order to rectify this, she had to rescan all 12 skeins to undue the purchase. She then started the order all over again. Now we are on our third scan of the 12 skeins of yarn. She then scans in the coupon, but the register/computer did not accept it. She got on the phone to call the manager. Mind you, the store is packed, every line is very long and the manager is very busy. While our clerk calls for the manager and looks to her right, I notice that the manager is actually standing to her left. I say to the Manager, Mam, would you mind helping our clerk? Yes Mam, I will be right there. The lovely Manager comes over to help our clerk. Her screw up was not simple. It was a massive screw up and the clerk was not communicating the depth of her mishap. As the Manager is helping the clerk, the fellow with the 12 skeins, a much older Chinese man, turns to me and says, out loud: Why don’t you mind your own f-ing business you f-ing bi--h.
Wow, did my request for service merit that level of obscenity?
I retorted: I was just asking for some help.
You should mind your own f-ing business you f-ing bi--h.
He repeated this over and over. I looked to the other people in the line and NO ONE would have eye contact with me. I had become the Michael’s pariah.
I looked at my potty mouthed neighbor and said “You need to be quiet right now.”
But, he did not heed my request.
He continued in his rant, repeating different variations of the same words mentioned above.
I then said: “You are the most horrible person I have ever met in my entire life.”
This still did not calm him. However, the Manager had now finished undoing the mess up that the clerk had created. She pointed at me: You, take your merchandise and follow me. Realizing I was now getting preferential treatment, I turned to my potty mouthed friend and said: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
The lovely Manager checked me out in a jiffy. I did ask her: Did you hear what he said to me? She said: I was trying not to listen. I then high-tailed it out of there. Fearing the crazy Chinese dude may physically harm me, I ran to my car, got in and locked the doors. I phone my husband right away to tell him about the insanity I had just been a part of. He is so lovely, his first comment was: That is horrible. And it was. I went home and spent the rest of the day recovering from Mr. Nasty
Once I got home, my husband and I started to psychoanalyze what was up with Mr. Nasty.
One, why is an older Chinese dude buying 12 skeins of various yarn, not the same yarn, different types of unattractive yarn? Did he have an invalid mother or wife at home whom he had to shop for? An invalid whom he resented? And a seemingly helpful or assertive woman did not fit into his little Gestalt of a world? God only knows, the dude was nuts and rude at the very least. I don’t think I deserved those exact words. I was not a criminal in that situation. Once again, my magnetism for nuts, drew me in and it was this was far from the Holiday shopping spirit I was looking for.
Later I was playing over some comebacks I could have used if I had not been so stunned.
Sir, I am an off-duty Torrance Police Officer and if you do not shut your pie hole immediately I can have your sorry ass in the back of a squad car and down to the station lickety split. If only…..

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